“Are you two friends?”

“Who? Me and Abby?”

Kerry thought about it for a moment. Was she friends with Abby Lockhart? There really hadn’t been a lot of people at County General that she considered friends. She was friends with Jeanie Boulet. God, she hadn’t thought about her in years. The only other person she had ever really thought of as a friend at the hospital was Kim.

“Maybe. I don’t know,” she took a sip of her milk and started on her salad.

“Oookaay,” Kim said slowly and then started her own meal.

“Don’t analyze me, Kim.” It sounded terse and Kerry knew it. “Sorry. Look Abby was there when I miscarried. She took care of me when I was being stubborn and … distraught. She was there when Henry was born. She was there when Sandy died.”

Kim saw a mix of emotions coming over Kerry’s face.

“She let me cry in her arms for a very long time that night,” Kerry continued. “I don’t think she knew what to do with me. I just collapsed and couldn’t stop crying.”

“That’s understandable, Kerry. You lost your partner.”

“And then she was there during the custody fight.”

“Sounds like a friend to me.”

Kerry sighed. “You’re right. I’m just not sure that I’ve ever really reciprocated the friendship very well. Being the boss tends to get in the way.”

“Ker, can I ask you a question?” Kerry nodded in affirmation as she chewed her salad. “Last night, when you told me that story about how Sandy had outted you in the ER … what would you have done if I had done something like that?”

“Probably clocked you with my crutch.”

“Oh.”

“Kim, I wasn’t ready. I told you I was furious with her for doing that. It took my fear of something happening to her to force me to be ready. The fear of losing her outweighed the fear of people knowing I’m *****.”

Kim just looked at Kerry for a moment. That response was more painful than any crutch to the head would ever be.

“But the fear of losing me wasn’t enough?”

“Kim, with you it was different.”

Kim stared at her desperately trying to understand. She found herself gripping the table to keep her seated, waiting for an explanation.

“Kim …” Kerry saw the pained look on her companion’s face and struggled to find the right words. “Kim, I thought I could fix things between you and I. I didn’t really believe that I could lose you until you were already gone.”

She put her fork down and put her right hand on Kim’s left feeling the tension slowly release from the psychiatrists grip.

“I loved you Kim. Don’t ever think that I didn’t love you.”

“I loved you too, Kerry.” She stopped herself before saying something she might truly regret. I still love you, she thought.

“Would you like to have dinner again?”

“I can’t tonight. I’m flying back to San Francisco to wrap things up.”

“So you’re definitely moving back here?”

“Yes. I signed the papers this morning.”

“Good. When will you be back?”

“About two and half weeks. I have to get back and pack.”

“Your clothes alone will take two weeks,” Kerry said smiling at Kim.

“Very funny, Dr. Weaver,” Kim said and laughed. “But you’re right.”

They looked at each other, each done with their food, but not knowing what to say.

“Kerry, can I call you? I mean from San Francisco.”

“Sure. Of course.” Kerry pulled out her one of her cards and scribbled her home phone number on the back. “I’d like that.”

Kim took the card and suddenly reached for a pen and piece of paper from her bag. “I’m sorry. I guess I should give you mine too.”

Kerry took it and glanced at her watch. “I really have to get going. I have a meeting in ten minutes.”

“Thanks for lunch, Kerry,” Kim said as they got up from the table. “I’m glad that we got to spend time together.”

“Me too,” Kerry said taking Kim’s hand for a moment. “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”